I’m officially back!
I think it’s assumed at this point that after approximately fifteen days, I threw in the #BLOGMAS towel. I’m not mad at that, though! Fifteen days isn’t too bad – it’s definitely a damn sight of a lot better than I thought I was going to achieve. I mean, yes, writer’s block was constantly creeping in the peripherals of my mind… but the fact that I didn’t crumble into the foetus position, crying my astigmatic eyes out after day three is practically a win.
Anyway, enough about Blogmas. It’s time to move on. It’s time to think-about-possibly-attempting-to-start drawing December to a close. With a bang. Or a whimper. Or… a rant.
I did have a totally different blog post in mind for today. I was going to do something festive, which I might save for the big day itself. But, something else got into my head. It irked me. It infected it’s way in like a stylish flu molecule and it multiplied. I just can’t avoid it any more…
It’s time to talk about fake PR.
This probably struck more of a chord with establishing bloggers than established bloggers, but hey. We all started the grind at some point! When you’re a growing blogger, a micro-influencer (yuck), a little blogger, whatever you want to call it; and someone approaches you for PR, you don’t ignore it. Or you might ignore it. Depending on how strong-willed you are!
The vast majority of us, however, see the opportunity and that’s it. One minute you’re (I’m) Hannah Van-de-Peer: Aspiring Blogger. The next; you’re choosing your killer outfit for the UK Blog Awards 2020 (it’s a black side-slit maxi dress, by the way). You draft your reply email about five times before sending it. You need to sound like you know what you’re doing. Of course, you don’t, but you can’t let on. Even for a second.
Then, you wait.
You refresh your inbox every five minutes for the next two days. Your mind races. Why haven’t they emailed back? Why haven’t they emailed back? Why haven’t they emailed back? Whyhaven’ttheyemailedback? Because, they know. They know you spent forty-five minutes drafting your reply. They know you’re not a Twitter debutante. They know you used that poncey, pretentious phrase ‘Micro-influencer’ because you’re too self-important to say ‘ a bit unpopular’. OH MY GOD, THEY KNOW EVERYTHING.
Calming down, you read the email;
We knew as soon as we saw your profile you were a perfect match for our brand! We’re so excited that you responded to our last email!
Our affiliate programme contains a wide range of opportunities for you and your blog! All you have to do is purchase one product from our online shop to get going!
Muah, speak soon!’
And there you have it. You read, and re-read in confusion. ‘Purchase one product from our online shop to get going!’. You decide to give it the benefit of the doubt. An opportunity, after all; is still an opportunity. No matter how it’s presented.
So, you visit their website. Something catches your eye, so you click on it. You’re really gearing up for disappointment now.
That’s when you see it.
$155. That’s it. That’s the price of ‘one product!’. Just one. You close the tab, realising that these ‘PR’ people haven’t, and had no intention of ever reading your blog. You spend the next two weeks ignoring the ‘reminder’ emails, essentially begging for your money. They slowly become lesser. Until they phase out altogether…
Pfft, what kind of saddo has this happen to them? Talk about D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E!