I’ve been out of the Tinder game for some time now. Not surprising, seeing as I’m in a relationship; but seeing screenshots of smooth-talking lotharios chatting up eighteen year old girls all over Twitter honestly just reminds me of why I hated it in the first place! The Romans had a system like that, but at least they were honest when they branded them ‘orgies’. And that’s all Tinder really is, isn’t it? The lowest of the low. I think the hierarchy goes a little something like;
Elite Singles = respectable rich singles in their 40s-60s
Match.Com = respectable ‘normal’ singles in their late 20s-50s
Bumble = empowered women seeking normal relationships
Plenty of Fish = mostly old men looking for young girls
Tinder = love? Is that a spice?
But if you ever find yourself wondering just how much Tinder taught me; about myself, men, relationships both healthy and unhealthy… you’ve come to the right place.
#1: I Need to Value Myself Just a -Little- Bit More!
I kind of came full circle with Tinder; started off with high standards which sank lower and lower until I hated myself, realised I shouldn’t hate myself as much, at which point my standards sky-rocketed again. Receiving message after message of ‘nudes? x’ every day really hacked at my self-esteem (and no matter what some of you guys think, asking for nudes is NEVER a compliment!) and just made me wonder if I was even worth a caring relationship. Likewise, people who only ever wanted to ‘hook up’. At eighteen years old, you think the majority of those people like you for you, but unfortunately, most of the time they don’t. Most of these people are too narcissistic to even notice you half the time, and the trick is not to let that define you. You are worth it. You might just be looking for it in the entirely wrong place.
#2: Men Holding a Fish in Their Main Picture Are More Likely to Ask for Nudes
Yikes… I only wish this one was a joke. They’re definitely up there with the I’m Here for a Good Time, Not a Long Time crew. Also if they’re riding dirt bikes in any of their other pictures, you run. Like the wind.
#3: Some People Are Only On There to Plug Their Instagram!
Words fail me! I fell for it every time too, anytime a good looking guy would message me like ‘Hey beautiful! I don’t use this app very much but if you follow me on Instagram @sumfuckboi4839, I’ll hit you up xx’ I’d give them the ol’ ‘okay, haha, but you’d better follow me back! ;)’. There’s nothing like the feeling you get when they haven’t, in fact, followed you back. And it’s two weeks later. And you just know you got played.
#4: It’s Unwise to Take Everyone at Face Value…
One of the worst things about Tinder is that it really made me question my judgement, multiple times. Unfortunately, people do come across some weirdos. I had a man tell me he really liked me after a spending a couple of weeks texting, and how much he wanted to start a relationship with me. Just so he could get me to hook up with him! After he didn’t get what he wanted, he went cold and distant. Until we just didn’t speak anymore. It’s freaky how much I blamed myself for that, until about a year later I realised that the problem lay one-hundred-per-cent with him. I’d only just turned eighteen at the time we were speaking, and online dating was a completely foreign concept. I naively imagined that when a man told me he wanted a relationship with me, it was a bold enough statement to prove he was telling the truth.
#5: Finding That -1- Person You Click With is EVERYTHING
I had to suffer hundreds of dull, leading and/or uncomfortable conversations and meetups before I eventually met my amazing boyfriend. Someone I’m thankful for every single day. Meeting him was like meeting someone at a party who didn’t really want to be there. And neither did you, really. You’re patient with each other, and you have real conversations and talk on the phone for five hours every single day without getting bored. Then you meet up once, twice, three-four-five times until it becomes weekly for just under a year. It just solidifies my belief that everything happens for a reason. You meet blatantly horrible people, you meet wolves in sheep’s clothing, you meet lovely people, too. But timing is everything. With this one person, everything was perfect, and we’ve both really grown together since Tinder. So I guess I have that gross hookup app to thank, really. For everything.*
*But not for forcing me to talk to narcissistic weirdos